You meet great guys, but they always seem to leave before the relationship really lasts. You even have a hard time keeping friends. Is it you or them? The problem could actually be you.
Do you love yourself? Think about it for a few minutes. Do you honestly love yourself? You’ll never be able to make a relationship work if you don’t value yourself. You have to sit down and realize how valuable you are. The moment you start loving who you are, you’ll be more accepting of others who want to love you too.
The art of self-acceptance means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance. Needless to say, it does not mean being arrogant, conceited or thinking that you are better than anyone else. It means having a healthy regard for yourself knowing that you are a worthy human being.
Begin by changing your mindset
Stop being a perfectionist.
Work on your self-esteem.
Work on managing your anxiety.
Stop having to be right all the time.
Know that giving up control can be just as rewarding as taking it.
Are you overly busy that you fail to love like you should?
Of course you’re busy as we all are. Unless you have your priorities in order you will not only be lacking in love, you will push people aside who you need to spend more time with. But when everything in your life comes before love, there’s a problem. You have to make time for friends and relationships. Think about your priorities and how to love others.
Is your controlling behavior ruining your relationships?
Why would anyone continue to meddle, fix, advise, worry, obsess or monitor other people’s behavior when it makes them and everyone around them miserable?
Simply put, they do it to keep their anxiety (fear) at bay believing that they cannot find peace as long as people or situations around them are not ok and they don’t know any other way of functioning. No one plans to do this for life but for many people it may be there as long as they can remember.
A clear sign you’re difficult to love is when “I love you” makes you see red, and not in a good way. For some reason, you just can’t believe anyone actually means them. The thought that someone is lying to you makes you angry. Even if a guy’s telling you the truth, you don’t want to hear it.
How does one change a pattern that is so ingrained? It may take years but it is worth the effort and may in fact save your life. In fact, research shows that stress related illness can be a serious issue for anyone whose mind is full of negative thoughts and worry. In addition to the ordinary stress that we all deal with, the controller has the self created stress of feeling responsible for preventing disasters by obsessively focusing on the possible problems or even tragedies that may occur if he/she neglects something.
It’s difficult to love a woman who’s so weighed down by her past that she can’t see what she has in front of her. If all your thoughts focus on your past and your insecurities, you’re not able to let anyone in. Letting go of the past and learning to love yourself is key to tackling this one.
Cynical women are always difficult to love. A certain level of cynicism is fine, but too much is just unhealthy and pushes any loving prospects away. Give people a chance once in a while and you might just find you have a reason to be less cynical.
If you are controlling you are still codependent without even knowing it. Codependency is an excessive emotional, physical, and psychological reliance upon a relationship that is dysfunctional. It is an emotional condition that can destroy a person’s happiness, career, health and personal relationships.
Some characteristics of codependent behavior:
You feel responsible for solving others’ problems: The codependent feels the need to solve another’s problems. The codependent believes that help is needed and that the person in need cannot manage to make the right decisions or take the right actions to solve his or her own problems. Without the codependent’s input, disaster for the other person is assured.
Take your hands off the wheel!
Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don’t feel out of control. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is a violation of someone else’s boundary.
You are involved in offering advice to others whether they have asked for or not: The codependent jumps at the opportunity to provide much-needed advice. The codependent offers an endless stream of good advice regardless of whether the advice has been asked for or not.
Codependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
You take things personally: Because there are little to no boundaries in the codependent’s life, any remark, comment or action is a reflection back upon the codependent. This makes the need to feel in control paramount.
You fear rejection and being unlovable: The codependent fears that if he or she is not successful at everything, or indeed expresses his/her feelings or needs, they will be rejected. In a codependent’s way of thinking, he or she will be unlovable. A codependent does not trust others easily or share openly because he or she will be exposed.
Using manipulation, shame, or guilt to control others’ behavior: To get their way codependents will respond in a fashion that will force compliance by others. These tactics may be unconscious. Since everyone else’s behavior is a reflection on the codependent, it is important that the codependent feel in control.
Recognizing Risk Factors
Determine if your family has a history of codependency. Codependent behaviors are often passed down through families. …
Consider if you have a history of abuse. …
Recognize common situations that cause codependent relationships. …
Look for divorce in your past.
Codependent people expect others to do what they say: Once advice has been given, the codependent expects the advice to be followed. Codependents often do not understand boundaries.
You need to love yourself first before anything will begin to change.