*NOTE* All scripture quotations taken from The Scriptures 1998+ unless otherwise noted.
Determining when to end a relationship that is not going well is something any intelligent and loving person struggles with. We don’t want to throw aside something we think might have potential. We are in love after all, at least we think we are. Emotions are involved, we’ve done so much with this person, we’re even engaged. What would people think if I had to call this off? These questions and more run through our minds.
But the focus and concern of the man should not just be for himself, but also for the woman. We are by nature selfish and tend to look at what the other person is doing to “us” rather than considering both sides and the relationship as a whole. If things are turning bad and have escalated to a point that they are not being resolved something is very wrong.
We all go through the regular relationship building ordeals, the ups and downs, etc. But if things are becoming very negative and intense that it is tearing the relationship down rather than building it up, it’s usually time to end the relationship before it becomes more destructive. This can be a very loving act to tell our partner that it isn’t working out and we need to move on and find other people.
To continue to lead a woman down a path that is not bringing enduring love is very self centered and selfish. There is a time when a man needs to realize if the relationship is not good for him, it’s not good for her either and vice versa. To continue a relationship jaded with sharp edges and thorns only leads to destruction and in the end when it is finally over you’ve only become enemies.
Ending a relationship going bad before it’s too late can at least make it easier to end and get over it and even possibly remain friends. In the body of Messiah to allow things to get so bad that you turn enemies is not the Lord’s will at all. We are to seek peace and ensue it. We are to be united and not have any enemies in the body of Yeshua.
The longer a dysfunctional relationship continues, the more damage will be done. Don’t worry about what other people think, this is your life and you are responsible before Elohim to make the right choices now that will affect your future. Deciding to marry someone with whom things would become a disaster ends up in a failed marriage and divorce. Do you really want to take that road?
This responsibility lies on the man’s shoulder since he is the head. He has to know if things are not going well and when it might be time to end the relationship. And ending a relationship does not mean the friendship has to end.
Men, don’t lower your standards just because a woman is beautiful. Don’t be deceived by her beauty and allow it to keep you stuck in a relationship you know is not going well. If things become toxic enough it’s time to end the relationship. And you just might find that once the smoke clears you will have gained a very good friend.
Many times even when relationships turn bad, you can still reflect back on all the good things that happened. It doesn’t mean your love for that person is gone either. And you should continue to love them no matter what. Remember that in Messiah we are family and we should never harbor bitterness toward a brother or sister.
There can be many reasons a relationship is dysfunctional and I’m not going to go into that. You’ll need to figure that one out on your own. Mostly, you’ll know when things have gone bad for too long and too deep when it has been going downward for some time and no matter how loving you try to be there are still serious problems. At that point it’s usually wise to consider ending the relationship.
It’s not about blaming anyone either, that’s not even the point I’m making here. Put whatever you need behind you and move on. It’s in the past and is important to continue loving that person no matter what.
Consider Messiah who was literally attacked, beaten and killed by people. He didn’t go around telling his friends later what all those mean people did. He continued to love them. Whatever those people did is their own responsibility for which they alone are accountable.
No matter how things turn out, knowing when to end an engagement or relationship is important. Sometimes they go on way too long and both people end up with serious internal wounds when it’s finally over. Don’t hang onto a relationship so tightly that you can’t let it go even when it’s time to. Don’t ever be needy to the point that you can’t live without them. Don’t get so wrapped up in that person that you can’t imagine life without them.
Get tapped into the Father’s love above and get wrapped up in that. Let it cleanse you completely within and make you whole. And as Messiah told us, cleanse the inside of the cup and the whole thing will be clean. We cannot be whole and functional unless we have dealt with our inner man and cleaned ourselves from the inside first!